Naruto Diseased
by New Level Darkness
Summary: old work. Everyone in the Akatsuki hideout is sick... except for Tobi. Of course. Its up to him to give everyone their proper medication, but that might prove a tad difficult; especially when Itachi won't leave the karaoke machine alone...


This is... also quite old D: all characters (c) masashi kishimoto. um. lol.

--

_Diseased_

Tobi ran through the Akatsuki hideout, desperately trying to escape the other members. All of a sudden they had all started acting much stranger that usual. Tobi knocked frantically on Pein-sama's office door. Pein-sama was the leader, he had an answer for everything. He'd be able to help Tobi sort this out.

"Leader-sama!" Tobi cried. "Please help me!" the door to Pein's bedroom creaked open and a shaft of frigid air leaked out.

"Leader-sama," Tobi repeated. "everyone--"

"I'm very well aware of their conditions," Pein said, his voice cold. "and I need to talk to you about it. Come in," the door opened the rest of the way; everything beyond it was bathed in darkness. Pein was nowhere to be seen. Tobi hesitantly stepped inside; he had never been inside Leader's room before, let alone been invited. The door slammed shut behind him, and a single light flickered on.

Pein-sama's room was very empty. There were no bed or windows. A lone desk stood at the back of the room, with Pein standing beside it. His auburn hair matched menacingly with the brown painted walls. He approached Tobi, who didn't move an inch being very uncomfortable. Pein faced the door with narrowed eyes. Which was strange, because Tobi was standing next to the door, not in front of it.

"Tobi, I understand that you have noticed our members' strange behavior," he began. "That is because--"

"Um, Leader-sama?" Tobi interrupted much to Pein's displeasure. "…I'm over here," Pein looked in Tobi's direction, squinting.

"Right…" Pein mumbled, his face growing red.

"Leader-sama," Tobi said suggestively. "Do you need glasses?" Pein cleared his throat loudly and looked away, flustered.

"Anyway," he said unhappily. "I understand that you have noticed our members' strange behavior. This is because they have all been infected with ailments," Tobi stared at his leader.

"What?" he asked. Pein sighed irritably.

"They're all sick," he clarified.

"Oh no!" Tobi exclaimed. "We have to make them better!" he began shifting anxiously around the room. Pein tried to follow Tobi with his gaze, but accomplished nothing except becoming dizzy. He squinted again, trying to pinpoint Tobi's exact location.

"Dammit, Tobi, stop moving!" Pein said angrily. Tobi froze immediately at his leader's command. "I've prepared everyone's medications for you," Pein said, taking a black briefcase from his desk. "I'm only asking you to treat them all because I need to step out to buy," -- he paused to clear his throat-- "some personal items," he stared at the ceiling as if under pressure. He handed the briefcase to Tobi. It wasn't heavy, but it was obviously fill with medicine.

"I've labeled each container with its recipient's name," Pein informed Tobi, pushing him out the door. Pein exited the room as well and locked the door. "I'll tell you their symptoms beforehand so they don't shock you too badly. Hidan has the flu, Kakuzu has a terrible cough and a fever, Deidara has a fever and has been hallucinating--"

"Poor Sempai!" Tobi blurted sympathetically. Pein sighed irascibly again.

"Anyway," he continued. "Kakuzu sprayed Zetsu with weed killer so be cautious when attending Zetsu, Kisame also has a fever and is feeling very irritable. And Itachi…" he trailed off awkwardly. "Well let's just say he's not feeling like himself,"

"Don't worry, Leader-sama," Tobi said, inspired. "I'll take good care of them all," Pein looked skeptical.

"Yes, I'm sure you will. Good luck," he said, then he vanished.

Tobi was left in the small hallway between Leader-sama's office and the kitchen holding a briefcase full of medicine.

"Well, I'd better get started," Tobi said to himself. Through the kitchen and the living room, he arrived at Itachi and Kisame's room. He was just about to let himself in when he heard Kisame's enraged voice.

"Get the hell off me!!" Tobi, startled by how vicious he sounded, burst into the room. What he saw still disturbs him to this day.

Kisame was hiding under his fluffy blue comforter, completely invisible. Itachi, smiling wildly, was jumping up and down on Kisame's bed. Neither of them had noticed the orange masked shinobi come in.

"Itachi-san?" Tobi said in disbelief. Itachi stopped jumping immediately and looked at Tobi hurriedly.

"Tobi-kun!" he chimed. He leaped off of the bed and landed directly on top of Tobi.

"Ita- oof!" he struggled under Itachi's weight until he finally squirmed free.

"Kisame-san!" Tobi said exasperatedly. "What's wrong with Itachi-san?" Kisame mumbled a muffled reply. "Kisame-san?" Tobi approached Kisame and made to pull back the blanket but what was that noise? Was that… growling? Tobi sprang back from Kisame's bed, alarmed.

"Kisame-san, you need to take your medicine, so you can get better," Tobi inquired. Kisame lowered his blanket so that the upper half of his face could be seen. His eyes were shadowed and bitter and told Tobi all he needed to know.

"I don't want any medicine," he said threateningly, his voice low.

"Tobi-kun," Itachi jumped up and embraced Tobi in another hug. "Just leave our medicine on the table,"

"Um, alright, Itachi-san," Tobi cautiously edged over to Kisame's bedside table, careful to avoid the angered shark ninja himself. He opened the briefcase, fished for the correct medications, and placed them on the table.

"and there's no need to be so polite," Itachi continued.

"Ok, um, Itachi-kun?" Tobi offered. Itachi smiled, accepting the honorific. "Don't forget to give Itachi-kun his medicine, and you take yours, ok Kisame-san?" Tobi reminded him, completely unaware of Kisame's piercing glare. Tobi left the room, thankful to escape the awkward atmosphere.

He opened the door to Zetsu's room, a wave of humid air hitting him like a baseball bat. Zetsu's room smelled exactly like his greenhouse. Tobi stepped into the room, the hot, moist air overwhelming him.

"Zetsu-san?" Tobi called. A movement in the corner caught his eye. He was sure it was Zetsu, but he looked… different. His plant appendages were slightly opened, and his yellow eyes gleamed maliciously from inside.

"Tobi," Zetsu wheezed.

"Zetsu-san, I need to give you your medicine," Tobi advanced on the man plant.

"Get away from me!" Zetsu hissed violently. "Go away! Go…" he trailed off, as if realizing something.

"Food!" Tobi had been in this situation before and knew exactly what to do: run away before Zetsu gets a hold of you.

Tobi bolted out of the room and slammed the door shut. He would have to come back later; Zetsu was in no mood to be treated.

He opened the door to Deidara's room tentatively. He had already been growled at, jumped on, and almost eaten; he hoped Deidara wouldn't try to hurt him. Deidara was sitting on his bed hunched over. He appeared to be normal…

"Sempai?" Tobi called. Deidara spun around and beamed.

"Heeeey, Tobay!" he said cheerfully. "Get over here, Sweet Cheeks,"

"Wait, what?" Tobi made to run out of the room frantically, but his sempai got to him first. Tobi was caught in an agonizing hug, Deidara's face ineptly close to his.

"Sempai, you're too close.." Tobi whined softly. Deidara-sempai wasn't going to hurt him physically, Tobi was sure of that; but he was probably going to hurt him mentally instead. Suddenly, Tobi had an idea.

"Deidara-sempai," he said sweetly. "Will you do me a favor?"

"Anything for you, Darling," For a moment Tobi was unable to continue due to shock.

"Will you take your medicine?" Tobi took the said medicine out of the briefcase. "I want you to get better," Deidara tenderly took the medicine from Tobi.

"Only for you, un," he cooed. After the correct amount was taken, Deidara firmly grasped Tobi's gloved hand, meshing his fingers between Tobi's. Tobi, slightly abashed at the sudden gesture, pulled away lightly. Deidara's face immediately contorted as if Tobi had triggered a chain reaction. He looked distressed and close to tears. As if he was afraid of Tobi, he broke away and began to back up.

"No!" he cried. "I don't wanna go on the roller coaster, un!" Deidara continued stumbling backward, terrorized. But his legs hit his bed and he toppled over, landing on the bed. Tobi didn't safe around his Sempai anymore.

"I'm thirsty," Deidara mumbled, boredly staring at the ceiling.

"Ok, Sempai, I'll be right back with your water," Tobi said, still apprehensive. He dashed out of his room but didn't quite make it to the kitchen. Itachi had escaped his room and was singing along to Hidan's karaoke machine. Tobi froze with horror; something was seriously wrong with this man.

"Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal! Fear is how I fall, confusing what is real!" The Uchiha was singing with unnecessary gusto.

"Itachi-kun!" Tobi cried, hurrying to turn off the mechanism. Itachi bounced back when the screen went black.

"Itachi-kun, let's go back to your room," Tobi urged, but the sickly fellow wouldn't move. Tobi got behind him and proceeded to push Ita to his room. But Itachi was swift; In turn, he used Tobi's weight against him and somehow managed to hop on Tobi's back.

"Only if you carry me, Tobi-kun!" he squeaked. Tobi grunted at the weight that Itachi challenged him with. Still, he'd do anything to get this Uchiha back in his room. He struggled all the way to Itachi's room. Luckily, it wasn't too far away.

Tobi carefully opened the door one-handedly and dumped Itachi onto the floor.

"Kisame-san," Tobi panted, already backing out of the room. "Please make sure Itachi-kun stays here," Kisame grunted his reply from under the covers.

Feeling rushed, Tobi hurried back to his own room, where Deidara waited for him. As soon as Tobi entered the accommodation, Deidara, who was now lying on his stomach, glanced quickly at Tobi's hands. He became upset when he saw that the only thing Tobi was holding was the briefcase.

"WATER!" Dei chimed snobbily. Tobi sighed in contempt and dashed back to the kitchen, the black briefcase swinging beside him. He skidded to a halt in front of the sink. He wished Leader-sama was here to help him; this was harder than he had expected it to be. Tobi hastily filled a glass of water and bolted back to his abode, spilling half of the cup in his swiftness.

Once in the room, he placed the glass on Deidara's bedside table, not staying to se if he drank it; he still needed to help Kakuzu and Hidan. Tobi raced into the last room. Leader-sama had said that Hidan had the flu, so he expected a mess.

But instead, everything was quite clean. Hidan was in bed and Kakuzu was pacing the room. He had abandoned his usual masks and wrappings and was not as thickly dressed as usual. He stopped in his tracks when Tobi came in; Hidan's eyes flickered open.

"I have your medicine," Tobi squeaked before Kuzu could yell at him for letting himself in.

"So they've got you playing doctor?" Hidan croaked, surprising Tobi.

"I'm taking good care of everyone!" Tobi replied. Hidan looked doubtful and Kakuzu narrowed his eyes.

"Then they'll all probably be dead tomorrow," Hidan said, his voice cracking. "Not me though. No, I don't want your fucking--" Hidan paled, and his features contorted into a look of disgust. He bolted out of the bed and dashed for the bathroom. The door was slammed shut.

"Is Hidan-san going to be ok?" Tobi asked.

"He's been doing that all day, he'll be fine," Kakuzu responded impassively.

"Will you give Hidan-san his medicine?" Tobi said, reaching inside the briefcase.

"Sure," Kakuzu said, holding his hand out. "Just give me mine--" he stopped abruptly in mid-sentence and began to cough. Leader-sama wasn't kidding when he said Kakuzu was prone to coughing fits. Tobi inched away from the Falls nin; he still hadn't stopped coughing. Eventually, Kakuzu's cough died down. He held out his hand expectantly again, clearing his throat. Hidan could be heard retching in the restroom.

Tobi gave Kakuzu the appropriate medicine and made to leave but stopped when Kakuzu's coughing fit started up again. Tobi stared worriedly at his sick friend wondering if he could help somehow.

Kakuzu, still choking, glanced at Tobi. Tobi was staring at him, and with that mask on it wasn't exactly normal; it was kind of… weird. Unable to speak, Kakuzu pointed towards the door, a sickeningly evil look in his eye. Tobi got the hint and left the room.

In the hallway, Tobi reached into the briefcase to see who he had forgotten. He pulled out a small container with the name "Zetsu" written on it.

"Oh no, I forgot Zetsu!" Tobi remembered. He made for Zetsu's room and attempted to turn the doorknob; but Zetsu had locked his door. Tobi frowned; Zetsu could be so stubborn. If Tobi was going to cure Zetsu, he'd need all the help he could get; maybe Leader-sama was back.

Through the living room and kitchen, Tobi arrived at Pein's room. Tobi rapped his knuckles against the door.

"Leader-sama?" he called. When no one answered, Tobi rattled the doorknob; but again to no avail. Pein still hadn't come home. Tobi sighed and made his way back to the living room. He could only sit and wait for Pein-sama to return.

A while into Tobi's wait, Itachi bounded into the living room, beaming.

"Go to your room, Ita-kun," Tobi moaned, feeling stressed and tired. Itachi spun around and skipped to his room, giggling.

Tobi had almost fallen asleep by the time the front door opened. Pein walked in wearing a sleek pair of black glasses.

"Pein-sama!" Tobi squeaked, jumping up from the couch.

"Leader-sama," Pein corrected him, trying hard not to get flustered again. "So how are you fairing?"

"Leader-sama, you got glasses," Tobi observed. Pein turned red and adjusted his glasses, feeling discomfited.

"Congratulations, you noticed," he mumbled impassively.

"But they look good on you, sir!" Tobi exclaimed.

"Anyway," Pein cleared his throat. "How is everyone?"

"They all took their medicine, except Zetsu," Tobi added sadly. "he locked his door,"

"I can fix that," Pein said, gesturing for Tobi follow. They passed Kisa and Ita's room; Itachi was asleep in Kisame's bed, and Kisame was sitting in a nearby armchair, staring angrily at the Uchiha. Everything seemed fine in there.

Pein knocked harshly on Zetsu's door.

"Zetsu, open the door," he said. Tobi wondered if Zetsu would answer; turns out, he didn't. Pein landed a swift axe kick to the door, shattering it to pieces. Tobi cringed; Pein's power was immense.

"Zetsu," Pein said in a voice of deadly calm. There was an evil look in his eye. Tobi didn't enter the room with Pein, instead he just handed him the briefcase and backed off. Leader-sama scared him.

Tobi retreated to the living room and plopped down on a couch. Not much later, Pein returned looking impassive as usual.

"Did Zetsu-san take his medicin?" Tobi asked hopefully.

"Yes, he did," Pein mumbled. Tobi watched as Leader-sama passed him, the hopped up and followed him.

"Leader-sama," Tobi said. "You weren't sick, were you?"

"No, I wasn't,"

"Oh," Tobi muttered. He cleared his throat, then proceeded to cough, just as Kakuzu had. Pein took a step away from him.

"And I don't plan to be,"

--

A week later, everyone recovered. Tobi didn't get sick, although he still might have to be hospitalized. Itachi denied ever giving Tobi permission to give him a nickname, and Tobi's having trouble dropping it. Itachi's not happy about it.

Kakuzu and Hidan are back to bickering, and Kisame feels well enough to play video games for 10 hours straight. Deidara has locked himself in his workshop. He turns especially strange whenever Tobi comes around. Zetsu has apologized to Tobi for trying to devour him; the two are on good terms again.

They're all ready to go on missions again. They are perfectly fine now; although I seem to have come down with a cough…

.end.


End file.
